October 2019

Help With Marital Harmony-Don't Try This At Home: Part 2

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To balance things out, here are some things I do for the good of my wife and our marriage.

Interests-In order to connect better with her, I show a genuine interest in some videos she watches on Facebook, such as ones that help with organizing space, cooking, or just funny videos. I also have become very interested in the political scene in the Philippines and follow it so I know what is happening.

Encourage-I try to be supportive in any way that comes up where it is needed. She had a tough experience at work recently and she told me she was glad that I was there for support when she needed it. I’ve told her as much as is possible, I will defer to her wishes, unless I am just not comfortable with it. Support-I have been amenable to her working and am thrilled we work at the same company and sometimes take break and lunch together. She is happy I allowed her to work. She asks me if it is okay if she sends money home or if she wants to spend money on something that isn’t cheap (money she earned!). Another way is when I told her she could go to school if she really wanted to.

There is a community college a couple of miles away. She has a college degree from the Philippines. Paying for driving lessons for adults is a way I have supported her but of course I also went out with her to teach her and now she has her license. This actually started with driving lessons I paid for in the Philippines.

Compliment-I tell her often how smart she is, how she is good with gadgets, even fixing things. I am not mechanically inclined at all or good with computers but my Amazing Aiza is. I compliment her on how neat and organized she is, how hard she works, that she has a good attitude at work, that she is a great wife, that I couldn’t be happier with her. She isn’t perfect, we have our moments, but we also recover from them and learn from those experiences. I have many pet names for her, terms of endearment. I don’t call her by her name. It is more like honey bear, beautiful, my precious, ping-ping, my love, sweetie, or sweet heart. I call her this at work too. She calls me “my love” a lot and my dentist told me she thought that was great that she did that. She commented after hearing my wife say that a few times. One time, by mistake, I thought I was messaging my wife but messaged a coworker and said “Honey bear, please make scrambled eggs for dinner when I get home, I love you.” He responded that he preferred his eggs sunny side up! Priorities-Prioritizing my wife could be listed above all these but they are in no particular order. I tell her that her needs come before mine, and so do her interests and wants. As her husband I am to love her by “giving up my life for her” according to Ephesians 5.

Working on doing this hasn’t cost me anything. She is my very best friend. She should be able to tell anyone that she believes I am number one to her. And something I haven’t gone into much detail with-by laying down your life for your wife, I believe you will find the satisfying, fulfilling marriage you want. I don’t think you have to worry about getting taken advantage of. I believe God wired women to be able to respond positively to a man she believes is totally committed to her. Family-Allowing her to help her family or deciding to help them together somehow. I say hello to her momma and my wife interprets for me. I ask her for updates on how her family is doing. Tell her you love her family. Even if she works, it is helpful to offer to help. I’ve also told her she can go to the Philippines whenever she feels like she needs to. Just last night I got to talk to our shy little niece, and I can’t wait to see the silliest girl in the Philippines soon.

Pray-Pray together and don’t forget to thank God for her when you pray to Him. Pray about her needs, for protection, for spiritual growth, for health, to be wise, etc. Mahal kita (I love you)-She needs to hear this often, with actions that support it. I have made it a habit to kiss her before I even get out of bed, stroke her hair and cheeks, rub her shoulders and tell her again that I love her. I tell her I love her even if we have had a clash, it really doesn’t matter how I feel because love has nothing to do with how we feel. I love her because God commands me to. That is when feelings deepen. Most of this is probably best for after marriage but to some degree you will want to adopt this when you are in a serious relationship with a Filipina.

When you begin a relationship with a Filipina, try to use simple, composed, clean, positive language. I’m just giving you some insights you will find useful as you go about pursuing a wife from the Philippines. I could not be happier with mine. Perfect? No. Perfect for me? Oo (which means yes).

“These efforts will help you have harmony with your Love Beyond The Sea

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